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in a world where dragon roam
above a cliff of water foam
they are the lords of fire
my hearts one true desire
they fly though valleys far and wide
to there great city in the sky
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Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconblackwolf120:

Author's Comments

is just somthing i thougth of

Comments


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:iconslikchik2:
hehe short but cool:clap: good job
:iconatreyu13:
nice XD its interesting...
:iconnitro134:
i love it!! realyy good
:iconlittlerockindragon:
i like it! :+fav:

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I aim to fReAk!!! :crazy:

A cabbage moves rhythmically
:iconsilvertwilight331:
I love it! I can see it, in my mind's eye. I particularly love how it's short and still quite descriptive. Excellent work. <3

Changes I would make:

line one: dragons, instead of dragon
line five: through, instead of though (through is to fly through, go through - I think this was just a typo)
line six: their, instead of there (their is possessive, belonging to them)

You don't have to use this. The correction for line one just makes it sound better to me, and is only a personal opinion. Especially since you say "lords of fire" as in there are more than one.

As for lines five and six - you had the right idea, just the wrong words.

Hope this helps. ;)

--
"Success is never final, and failure is never fatal; it's courage that counts." -- Unknown

Hope sees the invisible, achieves the impossible. If you look up, there are no limits. - ?

Details

December 19, 2006
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